Space Toast!
by EE's Skysong
Summary: The X-men get sucked into our worlds with a few tagalongs, and then are attacked by Carrot Sticks! Me and me mates have to get them to shut up long enough to fight them. Not a Mary Sue or anything of that sort, just a bunch of funny junk. R&R! COMPLETE!
1. Space Toast!

Disclaimer: How many times must I tell you? I own nothing, NOTHING I TELL YOU!!!

An Disclaimer: I warn you, you read this at your own risk! You will not be able to make sense of this, no matter how long you think about it, ok?!)

(An: This is a story that I have on my main site. As you may be able to tell, I'm revising it so it's in prose form. If you want to read the original, the link's in my bio. Please, if something confuzzles you, point it out, and I will do what I can, honored Sai.

Jazz: Again with the Dark Tower jokes?!

M.A.: What makes you think you're allowed to speak?!)

As the scene opens, we see myself sitting at a desk. I am glaring at my computer. Looking down at my non-moving fingers resting on the keyboard, I shout in exasperation, "DARN YOU!!! MAKE WORDS!!!"

My computer is surround by books and such, and also a cat, who is grinning in an annoying way.

A voice echos out from the shadows. Both cat and I look around wildly. "If you have no idea what's going on," says the voice, "let me fill you in. This is a girl named M.A. She has no life, and therefore sits around at her computer all day writing crappy fics. She is trying to update her uber-crap OC story, "Tree Girl," but is currently experiencing writer's block."

"What the hell?!" I shout. "Who are you and why the HELL are you commenting on my fics?!"

"I'm the narrator for this story, DUH!" replies the voice in exasperation. "I'm just READING THE SCRIPT!!!"

I raise my eyebrows, giving the shadows a skeptical look. "Ooook."

"Anyway, AS I WAS SAYING, she is experiencing writers block."

I am quite shocked to see a double of myself, with a laptop, step out of a shadowy corner. "No," I see myself say, "you were saying she was 'CURRENTLY experiencing writer's block." The author me sticks her tongue out at the corner opposite. The cat and I sit in stunned silence.

The narrator finally steps out of his shadowy corner. He is one of those stereotypical narrator types, old bald dude, you know the kind. "Oh shut up! &!#!" he shouts. He looks very announcery. "Announcery isn't a word."

"It is now," replies the author. (for simplification purpouses, the author will now be referred to M.A., savvy?) "Anyway, this is MY fic. I can do as I please." She steps back into the shadowy corner, muttering about plotting a nasty way to kill the narrator.

The narrator gulps. "Well, anyway, in a few minutes, something AMAZING is going to happen. Enter 'The Great Gazoo', a strange green entity, for all of you who have never seen the Flinstones."

There is a whooshing noise as said Gazoo appears. "I am the Great Gazoo!" he shouts. "Since we're no longer in caveman times, I come from not so far in the future to cause chaos and mess with your dumb-dumb minds!!" He laughs, but it sounds neither evil nor menacing, as he seems to have intended it to.

"WHAT?!" I shout.

Gazoo pays me no attention, just shoves me aside. He hacks into the internet. However, he appears to have no idea of what he's doing, so after a few minutes of furious typing, the computer makes a funny "squewerk" sound and there is a flash of light. The light hits a number of things: A HP book, LOTR: The Fellowship of the Ring, an arbitrarily placed Evo tape, the cat, a plastic penguin (a former muse of mine. Stop looking at me like that!), and a plate of carrot sticks and ranch dip. I get propelled across the room, and there is a nasty crack as my head hits the concrete-covered-only-by-cheap-linoleum floor.

A few minutes later, I come to. I rub my head. "Wha-? I must've hit my head harder then I thought. I thought I heard voi-" I notice a tall guy with laaame red shades bending over by me.

The guy with the shades yells down the hall. "She's still alive! Kurt, I don't think she'll like what you're doing to her couches!"

I snap to attention. "COUCHES?! SHIT!" (My mother takes her red leather couches quite seriously. She'd kill me if anything happened to them.)

"Oh come off it Scott," says a voice from the living room. "It's just a little hair."

The guy with the shades (Scott perhaps?) replies, "Whatever Kurt," and turns back to me. He holds up five fingers. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Five, duh," I respond in a bored tone. "Now can I PLEASE see what that Kurt-guy is doing to my mum's couches?!" I get up, but fall back down again.

There comes a different voice from the living room. "Gerroff me Hermione!"

A female voice responds, "Sorry!"

The first voice speaks again. "Oi! Harry!"

There is a third voice from the room. "Whazzat...?"

I finally get up, grab my hat and shove it on my head like a helmet, and run into the sitting room. "Oh. My. Gawd."

The Scott guy follows me out of the office, where I was a second ago. "Ok guys, let's check who's here. Nightcrawler?"

A blue elf sitting on the couch responds, "Here." He looks a bit embarrased since his inducer's not working and he's getting fur all over the couch.

"Shadowcat?" asks Scott.

A girl sitting on the matching loveseat accidentaly phases through it, and pokes out a hand. "Like, here."

"Rogue?"

A girl with white stripes in her hair that's sitting in the also matching chair, says "Ah'm here." She's looking disgusted and bored.

"Wolverine?"

A reallly hairy short guy that's trying to get the satellite cable to work by furiously pressing buttons, says "Here."

"Storm? ...Storm? I guess she's not here." Scott shrugs. "Whatever. Jean?"

"Right behind you Scott," says that oh-so-familiar and oh-so-annoying redhead.

"...? What the..?" I ask, pointing at the couch.

"What?" asks Kurt.

"Not you! Behind you!" I point at a head that's too short to reach over the couch, that's sticking out from the side. A small man steps out.

"Sam? Sam?" asks the guy. A blond-headed guy joins him.

"Yes?" he says. Two more guys, both dark-headed and the same height as the other two, join them.

I gasp and stare, somewhat like a beached fish. I do an anime-esque sweat drop as a tall, gangly red head stands up. "Sheesh Hermione!" says the red head. "I told you you should have left that spell book alone!"

A girl with bushy brown hair stands up beside him. "It wasn't my fault! I just picked it up!"

A midget with glasses stands up next to the girl. "What was that?!"

Everyone in the room except for me begins talking at once, loudly. This goes on for a few minutes, until I finally come out of shock.

"SHUT UP!" I scream. The room goes silent. "Ok, um, I'm confused as you all are prolly, but could we please keep it down?"

Everyone in the room mutters something like, "Ok, yeah, sure, whatever."

"Um, well, could you all, like, seperate into your little group things and introduce yourselves? 'Cause I'm totally lost." (When I get upset, I talk valley girl. It's heriditary! My dad's from Chicago. I can't help it! -watches sadly as what little respect she'd gathered goes out the window-)

Everyone does so.

"Thank you."

Scott steps forward. "Um, we're the X-men, and we just kind of introduced ourselves."

I nod. "Ok."

The midget with the glasses steps forward next. "My name's Harry, and my friends are Ron and Hermione."

I frown slightly. My brain is still coping with the fact that the X-men and Hp are in my sitting room. Which is a mess. "Uh-huh."

The short dudes mutter among themselves for a moment, but before they can say anything, there is a bang and a flash. There is quite a bit of smoke as well. An old dude steps out of it.

"Gandalf!" shouted one of the short dudes.

"What is going on here?!" asks Gandalf? maybe.

"I believe that's what we'd all like to know," I reply.

Gandalf ingores me, and goes on. "I had to hop eight dimensions to find you! What happened?!"

A cat walks in. It is the selfsame cat that got hit by the flash of light that came from my computer. He sits down and begins to wash himself. When he finishes, he states, "It was a temporal disturbance of course, caused by the narrator's appearance, although I'm not positive about that."

I gasp. "Picattso? You can talk?! KEWL! My lifelong dreams have been acheived! Wehay!" (If you didn't know, my lifelong dreams are to own a talking cat, to have the X-men in my house, and to meet Harry Potter. Oh, and to have a book published, but I'm not holding out for much.)

"Indubidably," responds Picattso, with a nod.

"Anyway, who are you?" I ask the old dude and the short guys.

"We are the Fellowship of the Ring, minuse four for some odd reason," replies Gandalf.

I nod slowly, disbelieving. The whole thing has finally sunk in. "Excuse me for a moment." I walk out of the room, go into my sound-proof bedroom, and scream into a pillow. "Well, I feel better now, anyway." I walk back into the sitting room. "Sorry about that." There is a crash, as something large falls off the ceiling.

There is a voice from the office. "I was wondering how long it would take me to fall off the ceiling."

I walk into the kitchen.

Sitting on the floor is a brunette with wings and a tail. She stands up, manages to regain her composure, and smiles at me.

"Er, hello. My name's Jazz." (Jazz is my troublesome OC.)

"I know THAT," I reply.

Jazz points at everyone else, who are all peering over my shoulder. "Yeah, but they don't."

"Excellent point."

Kurt, from behind everyone, pipes up. "Can we get something to eat? We were just about to at home."

"Erm, ah, yeah, I think so," I reply, jerking my thumb at the hallway. "Just go down that hallway. The kitchen is the room with the ugly, stiff blue carpet. Go ahead, raid it."

The X-men and the HP gang heads down there.

I begin listing all the groups, to get them straight in my head. "X-men: In the kitchen. HP gang: Ditto. Jazz:

"Why are you talking to yourself?" asks the person in question.

"Right behind me," I say, rolling my eyes. "You can't talk," I say to her. "You talk to yourself all the time?"

"No, I talk to the Voices."

"Yeah, but with you I cut them."

"You haven't posted me yet, so there are a few bugs," she replies with a shrug.

I shrug as well. "Okaay.. LOTR:" I peer into the sitting room. "Watching Spongebob." I head for the kitchen. "Did you guys find anything?"

The general response is "Yeah."

"Where are the little dudes?" asks Harry.

"They're HOBBITS. Uh, they're still in the sitting room, being hypnotized by Spongebob."

Everyone in the room nods knowingly.

Frodo walks in. It must have been the epidode "Opposite Day," becuase he's singing, "I'm Squidward, I'm Squidward, I'm Squidward, Squidward, Squidward." Rinse and Repeat.

I look over at everyone else and shrug.

Frodo walks over to the fridge, pulls out a half-empty (I'm a pessimist) milk jug, and asks, "Where do you keep the goblets?"

I, feeling somewhat confused, reply, "Over there." I jerk my thumb at a random cabinet.

Frodo opens the random cabinet and pulls out the collector's goblets from BK. "Hey! These have my face on it!" He walks over to the counter, pours himself a glass of milk, and walks out, trying to sing and drink milk at the same time, with interesting results.

You could just tell that everyone in the room was thinking something along the lines of "What was that all about? Whatever."

I stare after Frodo. "Um, how did he know how to use the fridge?" I ask.

"What's there to know?" replies Scott. "You just open the door and take out what you want."

"But how would he know what it was in the first place?"

"Good point." (I just realized myself is having waaay too much friendly interaction with Scott. Time to break out the good-ole-torture-matic. Let's spin the wheel and see how Jott will die today! Bip bip bip, ding ding ding! Lessee! Wehay! Jott will be eaten alive by a carrot stick!)

"Has anyone seen the narrator?" I ask.

"Who?" responds just about everyone else in the room.

"I guess not then." I walk out, pausing to prod shadowy corners. I enter the sitting room. The LOTR gang is still in there, being hypnotized by the awesome power that is a Spongebob marathon.

"When the LOTR gang get back, what will they remember? Spongebob! The wonder of a modern world! Spongebob marathons!" I mutter to myself.

There is, once again, a bang and a flash as Gandalf reappears. He coughs and waves a hand to rid himself of the smoke. "Well, I hope you're happy! I went dimension hopping to find you, exhausting myself in the process, and I find you watching.. watching.."

"Spongebob?" I supply, attempting to be helpful.

"Spongebob?!" Gandalf thunders.

Sam slowly turns his head to face Gandalf, like that chick in the Exorcist. He sings in a hypnotized way, "Spongebob Squarepants! Spongebob Squarepants!"

There is suddenly a loud crash from the kitchen.

"What in the- oh man!" I yell, and run into the kitchen.

Said kitchen is a chaotic mess. Broken plates, silverware everywhere, just a complete mess. Scott is having a firefight with Harry, who is trying to jinx him. Other such chaos is going on.

I begin to twitch. "What is going on here?!"

I notice that Ron is sitting atop Jean, pulling out each and every one of her hairs. "I-" he pulls one out, "am," he pulls another one out, "the," you get the idea, "RED HEAD!"

I notice that Hermione and Rogue are watching, doing nothing to stop him, and mouth, "GO RON!"

Hermione nods and laughs and Rogue grins.

"I'm gonna need some help," I mutter, and walk out. I go into my bedroom, and discover that Frodo and Kurt are sitting in my loftbed. (A loftbed is basically a wooden thing that holds a mattress about 5 ft. off the ground. It also has an endtable, not that it's much use, covered in my crap as it is.) "What are you two doing in here?!" I ask, somewhat embarassed, since they're looking through my writing notes and crappy sketches.

"Just looking," replies Kurt.

"Yep," says Frodo.

I am still feeling embarrased, since my walls are covered in LOTR posters that I stole from my day calendar, and the end table has all these print out pics of Kurt. "Okay." I reach over and grab a walkie-talkie, and walk out. "Well, that'll be daydream material for the rest of my life," I mutter, and turn on the walkie-talkie. "Blue Anchovy! Blue Anchovy! Do you read?"

A FEW MILES AWAY, CAITLIN HERNANDEZ'S ROOM

Caitlin (a.k.a. Blue Anchovy) picks up her squawking walkie-talkie. "I read Mint-Chip Pyromaniac. What's up?"

"Cait, I need your help. I'm.. er having a house party, but the guests are getting a bit rowdy. Think you could come over and help?"

"Er, yeah, sure." (Now, in the real world, Cait probably wouldn't be able to have stayed long enough to help. But this is fic world remember, and using my magical powers, Cait will be able to stay for the whole thing.)

MY HOUSE

Cait rings the doorbell.

I answer it. "Thank goodness you're here. I've gotta get someone else though. Come on." I walk into the office, and dial my friend Kitty's number. "Kitty, I'm going to need your help." (Ditto for Kit.)

ABOUT TEN MINUTES LATER

I let Kitty in. "What's the emergency?" asks Kitty.

"I'll explain later. Right now, we have to deal with the wierdos in the kitchen. Jazz?"

"Yeah?" asks Jazz, who's been watching Spongebob through all of this.

"We're gonna need your help, ok?"

Jazz shrugs. "Sure."

(So that was the first chapter. This is harder then I thought it would be.)


	2. Episode II, Gazoo strikes back!

Space Toast, Episode II: Gazoo strikes back!

Disclaimer: NOTHIIIIIIING!!!

(The last chapter was random and insane.. yes I know, oh I'm so proud. -grins-)

As our scene opens, M.A. (the author me, not me me) steps out of a shadowy corner and begins to narrate. "Well, for some reason the bloody narrator hasn't showed up, dunno why, just hasn't. He seems to have disappeared. Perhaps I was too mean to him, sending those demons to eat his soul. It was really funny though!" She grins rather nastily, and then clears throat, looking embarrased. "Anywaaaay, basically, this is right where we left off, a bit of craziness (and by 'bit' I mean total chaos) is still going on in the kitchen, and me and me mates are going to end it. And Jazz, now that I remember. But, we're going to get a bit, er, sidetracked. Well, I believe that should get you up to speed."

There is a whip-pan that switches from M.A.'s shadowy corner to the hallway just before the bathroom, outside my room. Cait, Kitty, Jazz and I are trying to avoid hearing the awful sounds that we -think- are coming from the kitchen.

Jazz begins to speak in a millitary leader-ish tone. "Well mates, we're here. About ten more feet and we'll be forced to face alla those people, who will not hesitate to turn their attacks on us. All we have to do is get everyone's attention, stop the attacking, and find some way to make everyone calm down. OK?

The other three chorus, "Ok..."

Jazz turns to me. "You wouldn't happen to have any water balloons, would you?"

I look horrified. "No way Jazz! I know what happens with you and water balloons! No bloody way!" (She is, after all, MY OC, and is a forced to be reckoned with when it comes to pranking... the horror, the HORROR!)

"Do you have any burboun, then?"

"Didn't you read the author's note right after I spoke?!" I ask angrily.

Jazz shrugs.

I look shrewdly at Jazz. "Actually.. my parents have some beer in the back room. I'll let you have it, if you can mange this.."

Jazz looks up hopefully. "Beer?"

I nod, then go on ahead.

There is a loud shriek from the bathroom. Cait, Kitty, and Jazz rush over to see what it is.

I am just outside the bathroom, rolling on the ground, one hand over my ears, the other over my eyes. "MY EYES! MY EARS! MY BRAAAAAIIIIN!!! IT BUU-HUR-HURNNSSS!!!"

"M.A.! Whassamatter?!" shouts Kitty.

I slowly remove my hands and blink. "Well, um, I heard this terrible sound coming from in there, right? And I went to see what it was and.. and.."

"What?" asks Jazz.

Just then Gambit pokes his head out of the bathroom. "What all de fuss 'bout? I was just singin' in de shower. Di' someone say beer?"

I look horrified again. "You call that SINGING?!"

"M.A., what happened?" asks Cait.

I sit up. "Well, um, well," I look over at Gambit, frightened, "I, er, I, I SAW GAMBIT IN THE SHOWER!" I scream and begin to rock back and forth.

"What's so bad about that?" asks Jazz, looking confused.. well more than usual anyway.

I blink and frown. "Well, actually, it'll prolly be one of my better memories, once I forget what his 'singing' sounds like."

"What?" asked Remy, looking even more confused then Jazz. "What? I was jus' Cajun singin', no big dere, right?"

Jazz nods and has that look like a lightbulb just turned on in her dark, dark mind. "Oooh, that explains everything. What the Cajuns call 'singing', the rest of us call 'intolerable noise.'" (An: Believe me, I've heard Cajun singing and I'm not exagerrating... well much anway.)

I twitch a bit and then stand up. "Well, let's get to it, shall we?"

We, now with Remy, walk into the kitchen. It's chaos as usual.

"Hey Jazz," I ask, "can you distract everybody from me?"

Jazz looks around. "Yeah, I think so." She jumps on the table. "HEY EVERYBODY!" No one listens, it's just THAT loud, but everyone seems to notice when she moons the room.

I laugh like a maniac as I run for the kareoke machine. "I knew she was a good idea!" I grab the mic and crank up the machine full blast. "QUIIIIIIIET!!!"

There is a startled silence as everyone stops doing whatever they were doing and turns to look at me, Jazz with a satisfied smile.

I blink, not used to that much attention. "Um, er, well, what is going on here?" I ask, still using the mic, but much quieter.

There is more noise than ever as everyone tries to explain at once.

I scowl and crank up the machine again, and shove the mic towards the speaker, causing reaaaaally loud and horrid to hear feedback.

Everyone falls to the ground, covering their ears, 'cept for Remy.

Remy, looking much more confused then usual, asks, "What everybody so upset 'bout? Jus' more singin' on tape!"

I blink and give him an incredulous look. "This is feedback, you dolt!"

Remy still looks confused. "Sure sounds like it to me.." He spots Rogue. "Oh, hello, chere, why didn't you say you were here?" He jumps down next to her and starts harrassing her.

Rogue has her teeth clenched and her eyes closed. "Remember the restraining order?!"

"Yeah, chere, but dis is an alternate universe!"

"Damn it!" She sighs, and concedes, letting Remy harrass.. er, love her. "When Ah get back, Ah'm tellin' mah lawyer to put alternate unis in that thing!" She continues to mutter suchly to herself.

I scowl. "Ugh. Do you guys EVER shut up?"

There are murmurs of "No" all across the room.

"Why is it so LOUD in here anyway?!"

Everyone looks like they're about to speak.

"Ah ah ah! Scooter, perhaps you and Harry could explain why you are blowing out all of my windows, hmm?"

"Um, er, ah.." say Scott and Harry in unison.

"Why were you fighting, in idiot terms?!" As an afterthought I add, "Make that 'Men' terms."

The girls in the room all start snickering, the dimension hoppers with looks at their signifigant others, except for Rogue. She just sits and twitches.

"Good one mate!" She gives me a high five, laughing.

There comes a voice from a shadowy corner. "What? I created her, she owes me!"

During this lapse, the chaos resumes.

I sigh in exasperation. "Jazz, you're telepathic, couldn't you make them all sleepy or something?"

Jazz grins. "But that would be 'wrong'."

"I created you without morals, remember?!"

"Oh, right." She closes her eyes.

"And don't make me or me mates sleep either!"

She opens her eyes. "You have no faith in me." She snaps her fingers.

Everyone begins to act tired. Scott stops fighting with Harry, grabs Jean, and heads for the bathroom. Hermione grabs a very confused Ron and heads for the living room. Remy grabs Rogue and heads for my dad's bedroom. The room slowly emptys as everyone heads out. Eventually there are sleeping bodies everywhere.

Me and my friends walk around, keeping tabs on everyone. "Let's see, who's missing?" I go to my room, and find that the door is locked.

Kitty catches up with me. I am banging my head against my bedroom door. "What's wrong?"

"I think Kurt's locked himself in my room. I'm pretty sure he's asleep in my bed."

Cait walks up. "Aren't you excited about that?"

I stop banging, and turn to my friends. "Technically, Cait, he's not in bed with me, just asleep in my bed."

"Oh," says Cait. "Um, and I couldn't find Remy, Rogue, Hermione, Ron, or Jott."

"Oh them. Jott's locked themselves in my bathroom. I'm not sure what they're doing. Ron and Hermione are on my couch, snogging. And Remy and Rogue have locked themselves in my dad's bedroom. I know EXACTLY what they're doing."

Cait snickers but Kitty says, "M.A.! That's disgusting!"

"I'm just being truthful."

Jazz walks up. "She is, you know."

I frown, remembering something. "Hey Jazz, is Pyro about?"

Jazz frowns, confused. "Why do you ask? I mean the house isn't in flames or anything.." She trails off.

"Because I just remembered something," I say. "The ep that got zapped was 'Cajun Spice', the tape of which I stole from Cait, heh heh, and um, well, Pyro was in it and now Gambit's here and all the X-men and junk and they were all in that ep and junk so yeah.." I give a nervous laugh. (See, in my an's, I don't make up the way I talk. I do tend to blather like that.)

Jazz is clearly confused. "Uh huh.."

"So could ya do that psychic thing and find him, if he's here?"

Jazz grins. "Psychic thing? You really need to be more specific."

I glare. "You know what I mean. JUST DO IT!"

Kitty and Cait snicker.

Jazz looks rather shocked. "Um, ok, right on it, boss lady." (I've been told I look quite nasty when I glare and grin.)

"Goood OC."

Jazz closes her eyes and frowns. She opens them a second later. "He's here all right. He's in town, hitting on some girls."

I look mock-startled. "Hitting on girls?! Come Jazz, we must remedy this! Or, you must, rather!"

Jazz looks suspicious, in case it involves work. "How so?"

I whisper in Jazz's ear. What, you didn't actually think I'd telll you what she's going to do to him?

Jazz grins and flies out the door.

Kitty frowns. "What did you tell her to do?"

"Not telling! You'll have to wait and find out!" I laugh evilly and head for my mom's office. (Where my laptop is.)

We step over various sleeping bodies, which are everywhere, and walk into the office. We get quite a shock when, out of nowhere, The Great Gazoo appears!

"Oh, no, not you! No! Bad Gazoo! Go away!"

Gazoo laughs like the maniac that he is. "I have come back, to take my REVENGE!"

"Revenge?" asks Kitty. "For what?"

"Didn't you notice I disappeared?! The appearance of the those hoppers forced me back into my own time-period!" We stare at him. "THAT'S BAD!!!"

We chorus. "Okaaay then."

"I'll explain later!" I shout. "Right now, tackle him!"

We all jump at Gazoo, but to no avail. He laughs evilly and makes a whooshing motion with his hand.

"AHAHAHA! Go look in your kitchen!" He pops out.

We run into the kitchen, to discover something bad.

"Damn you Gazoo! Give us back the food!" I shout.

If you haven't guessed, all food items have disappeared from the ktichen. I am afraid because the hoppers will wake up soon and prolly want food.

(Next chapter: Space Toast, Episode III: Mall Wars!!!)


	3. Episode III, Mall Wars!

Disclaimer: heh heh heh... -twitches- NOTHIIIIING!!!

(An: I love making Star Wars puns. It's -so- fun.)

I am still very upset about the whole Gazoo thing.

"What are we gonna do now? My sleepy thing will wear off in a bit, and they'll wake up, and they'll get mad 'cause they can't find any food!" says Jazz, twitching slightly. "Believe me, I know..."

I grin somewhat nastily. "I know you know. I'm the one that put you in those situations, aren't I?"

Jazz gives a very audible gulp and you can almost see that she is thinking about what I could do to her if she doesn't behave.

"Well, that was surprising," said Kitty, having finally recovered from the shock.

I look very serious. "Not to me, it wasn't. Gazoo is a sadistic prat with magical powers and he will be the death of us ALLL!!"

Jazz backs away slowly and Kitty and Cait grab her.

"Right now," I say, "the only thing that would surprise me is if Roland and the man in black from my Dark Tower book started chasing each other around my living room." I blink. "Sorry about that."

Cait and Jazz nod slowly.

Kitty tackles me. "Please excuse my friend, she's under a lot of stress and is acting quite wierd."

"MMMMPHH!!!"

"Oh, sorry," says Kitty and gets off me.

I am somewhat miffed. "That wasn't very nice." I stick my tongue out at Kit. "Ok, on to business. The only thing I can think of is to go to the store and get stuff. But I don't have that much money. The stupid house-sitter has it all." I sniff scornfully.

"Where is the house-sitter?" asks Jazz.

"Tied up in the closet," I reply calmly.

Everyone else shouts, "WHAT?!"

I look frantic. "Quiet! You'll wake everyone up!"

Jazz looks me up and down. "You don't really look like the type to be able to do that, mate."

I blink. "Well, obviously, I didn't exactly do it."

"What do ya mean?" asks Jazz.

"I had some spare time and some spare parts so I built a thingy that knocked her out," I say with a shrug. "Suffice it to say I used a lot of string and a very big hammer, ok?"

"Never knew you had it in you," says Jazz, stunned.

"I have to have some imagination, after all, I created you, like I said. Anyway," I say. "I suppose we could steal her wallet.."

Kitty and Cait looked shocked. "M.A.!!!"

"Guys, you know I love you, but you're so naive. We are all dead if we don't get food, y' got it? Especially when Wolvie wakes up.." I give Wolverine a fearful glance. "Anyway, what she don't know won't hurt her, right?"

"I like the way you think!" says Jazz, grinning.

We go to the water-closet. Basically this is a small room full of pipes and stuff, for some reason it's the water-closet. Jazz carefully opens the door. A bound and gagged old woman falls out. She looks fairly harmless.

Kitty and Cait glare at me.

"What?" I ask. "She was annoying me!"

The old woman mumbles something that sounds suspiciously like bitch but with her gag, who could tell?

"See?" I ask smugly. "Aaaanyway, lady, time to give up the goods." I bend down and mess with the cords. I pull out a wallet and hold it up in triumph.

Jazz grabs it and flicks through it. She pulls out a credit card. "Oooh, plastic! But is it worth anything.."

The old woman shakes her head, looking as though she wants to hurt Jazz.

Jazz grins. "Remember, I can tell when you're lie-ing!" She frowns, and then grins. "Ooh, never even used!"

I grin maniacally and rub my hands together. "Lovely."

"Ya know what this means?" asks Cait, looking eager.

Kurt and Scott appear out of nowhere and shout in unison, "ROAD TRIP!!"

"Where did they come from?" Kitty whispers to me, confused.

"Kitty-cat, these are the X-men," I say, somewhat condescendingly. Poor Kit-kat knows almost nothing about the X-men. "They can do aaanything."

Kitty is still clearly confused.

I shrug. "I never said it would make sense. But anyway, they're right. The only thing I'm not sure of is how we're supposed to get there.."

"Public transit?" suggests Cait.

"You know the word transit?" I ask, impressed. "I'll have to remember that..." I trail off and then snap back to reality. "Um, but anyway, look around you. This is the middle of nowhere!"

"She's right. This is NEILSVILLE for crying out loud!" says Kitty.

Logan walks in, being his usual grumpy, brusque, whatever self. "Is there a bar around here somewhere?"

The author-me steps out of her shadowy corner. "This is Wisconsin, people. Of course there's a bar." She hands him a map of Neillsville and goes back to her corner.

"Ambitious, isn't he?" asks Kitty, looking impressed.

Logan exits, and there is the sound of a motorcycle revving. He drives off. Remy and Rogue stumble out of the bedroom, looking messy.

"Y' let de badger go wit'out m'?" asks Remy sleepily.

"Of course!" cries Scoot, sticking his finger in the air. "Logan is old enough to drink!"

Barely awake, Rogue mumbles, "Shut up, Scott."

Looking like she's astonished, Jazz holds up her hands and mouths, "Finally, justice!"

"Jazz!" I say.

Jazz grins as she watches Scott's shocked expression turn into lecture mode. "Just because I picked up a sense of purpouse doesn't mean I'm a total stuffed shirt, y' know." She puts on an expression of mock-sadness. "As for Mr. Scott 'yes-I-have-a-stick-up-my-arse-and-yes-it's-there-on-purpouse-and-no-I-don't-want-it-removed' Summers, he's always been one." She sniffs. "There was never any hope for him." She hangs her head and dry-sobs. (That's when someone gasps like they're crying.)

Rogue and Remy snicker softly.

Scott swells as he begins his lecture. "Never have I seen such behaviour! Rogue! You, talking back! Unacceptable! and you, Remy-"

Author-me steps out of her corner again. "None of that Scotty! Zip it!" She makes a zipping gesture.

"MMMPH MM OOF!" yells Scott, muffled but still in lecture mode.

"No backtalk, mister! Remember, I control you. And if you keep this up, I'll kill Jean in one of my ficlets. AGAIN. And it'll be serious this time!"

Still muffled, Scott gasps and shuts up.

Remy wakes up a bit, and says, "Y' know, Remy curious."

"Really, I didn't know you had the brain power," says Jazz, her voice quite dry.

Remy glares at Rogue for a second and then returns to the matter at hand. "What Remy means is how did his Roguey learn t' control her powers like dat?"

"You know, I wondered that too," says Cait, and turns to me.

I shrug and point at the shadowy corner.

Author-me sighs and steps out, yet again. "I believe I mentioned I was a Romy fan."

Remy blinks. "Dere two of y'!"

"I wondered about that too, but I thought it might be rude to ask," says Jazz.

I blink. "Since when did you care about being polite?"

Jazz shrugs.

"It's really very simple. I am the M.A. writing the story, she is the M.A. character." My author-self looks as though this were obvious.

"What she said," I say, blinking.

M.A. goes back into her corner.

"This is SO wierd!" I say, shaking my head.

The other people in the room, minus Scott, chorus, "You can say THAT again!" They blink, look at each other and then over at me.

I point at the corner.

"That's becoming kind of an all-purpouse excuse," observes Kitty.

"Well, it IS all her fault," I reply with a shrug.

"But she you!" shouts Remy.

M.A. doesn't bother to walk out this time. "Be articulate Remy. Is that too much to ask? And anyway, it doesn't matter. Get back to the plot, people!"

I glare at the corner.

Kurt wakes up more and blinks. "When's breakfast?" he asks.

"Remy was wonderin' dat too. When do we eat 'round here?" (Must you even ask who was speaking?)

I shrug. "Whenever we get some food, which prolly will be a while, since we have to go to the store to get food, and we haven't figured out a way to get there."

Kurt looks shocked. "No.. no food?"

"That's what she said," said Cait and nods.

Kurt faints.

Kitty raises her eyebrow. "Is he ok?"

I shrug. "He's fine. He's just in shock. No big." I seem to remember something. "Wait, where did Logan's motorbike come from?" I look towards the corner.

M.A., as a disembodied voice, shouts, "Get on with it already!"

I frown. "All right, all right, just tryin' to do it right." I pull out a script from my pocket and flip through it. "Um, oh yeah. Hey, if Logan had his motorbike, does that mean that the other vehicles'd be here?" I put the script away.

"Sounds logical, M.A.," agrees Cait.

"C'mon then, if Logan's motorbike was outside, so should the rest."

The group (containing everyone who's in this) heads outside. Parked on the lawn are the X-van and the X-jet.

Everyone who's not from Evo besides Cait and me stare at the jet.

"Well now, THAT'S handy. Scott, you drive," I say.

Scott looks as though he might protest, but then remembers he can't talk and submits. Everyone piles into the jet. As we soar over Neillsville, we notice Pyro, dressed in drag, complete with makeup, hanging from a stop light. He appears to be saying, "You know you want me," to everyone. Remy and Rogue start macking for no apparent reason.

Jazz and I grin at each other.

Cait and Kitty gasp. "M.A.!"

I don't say anything but grin rather nastily.

Jazz laughs like a maniac.

Kurt, still passed out on the floor, wakes up at this. He looks frantic, terrified even. "SOMEONE GET THE STRAIGHT-JACKETS!!"

Jazz tackles him to shut him up, then looks at him thoughtfully. "I forgot how CUTE the Evo versions of you guys were!" she says and huggles him.

"Jazz, stop that!" I shout, indignant.

Jazz sticks her tongue out at me, but lets go anyway, although she stays on top of Kurt. "Hey, this is pretty comfy!" She grins and bounces up and down.

Kurt makes a noise with every bounce, something like "Spleah!"

"Stop it!" I shout.

Jazz glares at me now but gets off and pats Kurt on the head. "It's ok, Kurty. You can't help if you're like a fur rug."

"Spleah?" asks Kurt, dazed.

Jazz appears to understand this and looks outraged. "No, I do not!"

Everyone but Jazz and Kurt look to each other and shrug.

"Ok, that was weird," I say. "But anyway, beam us down Scotty," I say, seeing that we've just arrived at the mall.

Scott has his power of speech back. "You've been waiting all day to say that, haven't you?"

I grin, bob head, and do the Vulcan hand thing. "Indubidably, captain."

Scott looks surprised. "She called me 'captain.' Hey everybody! I'm not Scott anymore, I'm Captain Cyke!"

"Ooookay then," says everyone else.

"Mebbe I should've just kept my mouth shut," I mutter and rub my temples. "What did I ever do to me? Huh? What did I do to deserve this?"

"WELL?!" shouts Scott. "WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? SHOW PROPER RESPECT TO CAPTAIN CYKE!!!"

"Fix him!" I say.

M.A. grumbles and comes out of her newly created just for this purpouse corner. "All right, Scoot, time for your medicine." She pulls out a very large syringe full of a clear liquid and walks towards Scott.

He screams like a small girl. "NOOO! Captain Cyke doesn't wanna!" He tries to hide behind a chair.

Remy and Rogue stop macking to watch, both snickering.

M.A. sighs and injects Scott.

"I hate piskies.." Scott mumbles. "Mmmm, nice Jean..." He collapses.

M.A. rubs her hands together and the syringe disappears. "Now, back to the madness!" She goes back to her shadowy corner.

"Well, now, that's out of the way... Wait a minute, if Scott's out of it, who's flying the jet?" I ask.

Kurt waves. He's flying the jet with his feet.

"Well, that doesn't give me much confidence," I mutter.

The jet lands in front of a place called OakWood mall. I inspect the credit cards. "Go and shop! We have a 3000 dollar spending limit!" I cry, laughing evilly.

"We'll stay in the jet," Remy and Rogue say in unison, and go back to macking.

The gang goes into the mall.

The LOTR group runs to the Spongebob DVD's and stare hungrily at them, singing the theme song in a hypnotized way.

"Do they sell potion ingredients here?" asks Harry.

"Or Fizzing Whizbees?" asks Ron.

I shrug. "Who knows? Maybe one of the walls opens up to Diagon Alley or something. Hint, hint."

Hermione grabs them. "Come my slaves! We must SHOP!" She drags them off to their protests.

"What do we have to do?" whine Harry and Ron in unison.

"You will carry my bags! Or I'll cast Rictusempra on you both and let you laugh until you choke!" Hermione drags them off further.

"You know," I say to Kitty, "Somehow I thought if I ever met the Fellowship, or the HP gang, they'd be be more.. more, you know, sophisticated, grand!"

Kitty shrugs. "What can you do? I do agree though. Total letdown."

"This is no time for talk! We must shop!" cries Cait and grabs us.

"You're awfully strong for someone 5/7ths my height," I comment.

"This is fanFICTION, remember?" Cait replies.

Kitty (the evo version) and Jean are arguing about what stores to go to.

Kitty pulls out a lightsaber. "Like, fear me!"

Jean does the same. "Kitty, I am your great-aunt twice removed on your mother's side!"

Kitty is shocked. "Like, really?!" She has a "like" attack. "That's like like like.."

"NO! But I will still WIN!" Jean laughs evilly.

There is a furious lightsaber fight.

"Come to the prep side, Kitty!" Jean cries.

"Like, never!" replies Kitty. She knocks Jean down and puts her lightsaber, which is bright pink by the way, to Jean's throat.

"Kitty, no!" Jean's lightsaber, which is red, flickers off.

"Before you die, one question," says Kitty and leans in real close. "Is that your real color?"

Jean begins to sob. "NO! All right, NO! I get it dyed once a month! Why do you people do this to me?!" Her powers blow out Kitty's lightsaber and she runs off sobbing.

Kitty looks at her ruined 'saber. "Why didn't she just do that in the, like, first place?"

M.A., as a threatening disembodied voice, shouts, "STICK TO THE SCRIPT!!!"

Kitty shivers. "That is, like, SO totally creepy!"

"SCRIPT WOMAN!" cries M.A. again.

"Ah, shut up!" I say.

M.A. becomes a disembodies head, sticks her tongue out at me and disappears.

Kitty and I sigh and let Cait drag us off.

ABOUT FOUR HOURS LATER

Everyone is gathered in a group around me. I am inspecting the credit cards and the money we've spent. All of our purchases are already in the X-jet.

"Well, mates, we've done it. 6 credit cards with 3000 dollar spending limits and we've spent them in less than a day!"

Everyone else cheers.

Suddenly there is a whooshing noise.

"Was that the X-jet?" I ask. "I have a bad feeling about this..."

We turn and see that an Independence Day-esque space ship has just landed in the parking lot.

"We're double parked, you nimrod!" shouts a voice from the ship.

Another voice replies, "How can we not be?! The lines are so SMALL!"

The first voice gasps. "You idiot! You turned on the intercom! Now we have to start intimidating them!!"

There is a Star Trek type noise and a group of gigantic Carrot Sticks and a penguin land in the parking lot.

"Are these the villains?" I whisper to myself.

"Yes, but-" she replies, and is cut off.

"YES!" shouts a random carrot stick. "WE are the villains of this horrible fanfiction! We will devour your brains!!" He makes an attempt at evil laughter, but it doesn't work, because he's a carrot.

There is a flash of white light, and the Great Gazoo appears. He laughs maniacally. "Yes, these are the all-powerful Carrot Sticks! They were created by my space warp!" He laughs again.

Another random Carrot Stick pulls out a ray gun. "Ah, shuddup!" he says and zaps Gazoo.

"NOOOOOO!" shouts Gazoo and disappears.

"I'm not sure whether to be relieved he's gone or upset that the world is about be overtaken by sadistic Carrot Sticks," I comment.

"SEE!" cries Cait triumphantly. "This is what I've trying to prove all along!"

"That carrot sticks are taking over the world?" asks Kitty, understandably confused.

"Well, maybe not Carrots, but still!" says Cait with a shrug.

All of the Carrot Sticks appear to grow bored and pull out ray guns. The penguin doesn't, but he seems to be their leader. "FIRE AT WILL, MY MINIONS!!!" he cries and laughs evilly.


	4. Episode IV, the Attack of the Carrot Sti...

(An: Once again, here it is. I would so enjoy it if people reviewed, as proof that my humble crap is being read.)

LAST TIME, ON SPACE TOAST

"FIRE AT WILL MY MINIONS!" cries the penguin, who then blinks. "Deja vu!"

NOW

"What's deja vu?" Jean asks.

Remy leans out of the X-jet. He was busy but he's always willing to show off his Frenchiness. "Deja vu: Being the feeling or the sense of doing something before." He ducks back into the jet.

"Oh bloody shit," Jazz and I say in unison.

There is a bit of mad ray gun fire, not that it matters, because Jean and Jazz throw up a psychic bubble around the group and the X-jet. The door to the jet opens and Scott falls out.

Rogue pokes out her head. "Y'all can have him back. Me'n Remy'll be out when doom is imminent." She ducks back into the jet.

"MMMmmmmmssnessee," says Scott, who is more or less passed out.

Freaked out, I mouth to M.A. who is sitting in the bubble doing author stuff, "Carrot Sticks?"

She yawns and points to the allergy meds.

I shrug.

"CEASE FIRE!" shouts the penguin.

The blasting stops.

"Curse you and your profane bubbles!" cries the penguin.

There is a pause and you can tell everyone in the bubble is thinking, "What the hell is going on?!"

"But we will still win!" cries the penguin, utterly oblivious.

"And just how do you plan to do that, you bloody bugger?" asks Jazz.

The penguin smiles a very evil smile. "Because of three things! 1, the Carrot Sticks have the most technologically advanced ray guns in the UNIVERSE," he points at the Carrot's guns, "2, I have THIS!" He brandishes a keychain shaped like a chihuaha in a biker jacket. "And most importantly of all, we have this!" He slips into a deep announcer-ish voices and pulls out a vaguely duck-shaped bucket-o-bolts. "THE AMAZING MECHA-DUCK! Whoa, someone's stuck on the caps lock KeY."

"Quack," says the Mecha-Duck. It's not very amazing, really.

"Are you not AMAZED?!" cries the penguin, laughing evilly again.

"Gonna havta go with not," I say.

The penguin ignores me. "Do you want to know WHY the AMAZING MECHA DUCK will ensure our victory?"

"NO!" shouts just about everyone in the bubble.

The penguin goes on ignoring people. "Because it can do this!" He laughs again and pushes a button on the duck's back.

"Quaaack!" says the Mecha Duck. After quacking several times, a little monitor appears on the duck's chest that says "You are special! Destroy the earth!!!"

"See? SEe? SEE!" cries the penguin, pointing at it and hopping around.

"Um, what does that prove?" I ask.

"THAT I AM SPECIAL! And that you don't know how to use the caps lock key!" replies the penguin. Evil laughter people, all about the evil laughter.

Jazz and Jean shrug at each other, then use their powers to overload the duck's circuits.

"QuuuAAAAuuuuAAAccccKKKKK..." says the Mecha Duck, his quack trailing off into a high pitched beep. He then explodes.

"DUDE! You blew up my duck!" the penguin shouts, shocked and outraged. (Well, wouldn't you be if your duck blew up?)

Jean uses her TK to float the keychain out of the penguins.. flipper or whatever and grabs it.

"NOOO!" cries the penguin. "Arfy! Yo quiero Taco Bell!" (I have no idea how to spell that. So sue me.) "YOU MUST PAY FOR STEALING ARFY! And for overusing caps lock!"

I mouth to M.A., "Arfy?"

She sighs and says, "It's the damn allergy meds talking!"

"But those wore off hours ago!"

"They don't have to know that, shut up!"

I mutter to myself.

"ARE YOU QUITE DONE DISTRACTING THE NICE PEOPLE?!" shouts the penguin.

"Eep!" I squeak.

"I think not," says Jazz, snickering.

The penguin does some weird gesture, like he's attempting to give us all the finger, but since he doesn't have any, well, yeah. "SHUT UP ALREADY!!!"

"Heessheee spleah.." murmers Scoot from the ground.

"That's right Scott!" says Jazz. "We must stop the penguin malice!"

"You mean you understood that?!" I say.

"Didn't you pay attention to my conversation with Kurt in the last chapter?"

I give her a strange look, and then turn to M.A. I point at Scott. "Fix him!"

She mutters to herself, something like, "Fix him, fix him, always with the fix him." She snaps her fingers.

"Huh?! What's with the penguin?" asks Scott, standing up.

"That's GENERAL penguin to you!" snaps the penguin, miffed.

Scott puts on his visor.

"DON'T-" says half the bubble's inhabitants.

Scott shoots a blast at the penguin.

"Shoot." they finish.

Scott's blast rebounds and comes back at us.

"You idiot!" shouts Jazz.

Jean throws up a pyschic sheild to deflect the blast and Jazz takes down the bubble.

The blast bounces off the sheild and heads for the penguin. A Carrot Stick dives in front of him and takes the hit, and gets fried.

"He was a good Carrot. A good, good Carrot," says the penguin, sniffling. "And I'm done. Thank goodness for 5 second attention spans. Now, where were we?"

"I believe you were about to obliterate us," says Scott.

"SCOTT!!!" shouts everyone who's not a Carrot or a penguin or Scott.

Scott blinks.

"Oh right. FIRE AT WILL MY MINIONS!" The penguin stops short and blinks. "Deja vu! Times two!"

"What's deja vu?" asks Jean.

Remy leans out of the X-jet. He was busy but he's always willing to show off his Frenchiness. "Deja vu: Being the feeling or the sense of doing something before. Merde! Now dey got m' doin' it!" He ducks back into the jet.

"Just get on with the fight already!" I say. "And stop reusing the jokes!"

M.A. grumbles quietly.

The Carrots blast again. Scott and Jean rush forward to attack but are eaten by a carrot. "Oh, what a world, what a world!" they shout and get eaten.

"I think that might be ironic. Might," I say.

"It's not," says M.A. "You were the one eating the carrots earlier. If you'd been eaten, then it'd be ironic. But of course, I can't kill myself off..." She trails off, giving me a shrewd look.

"Oh, no way pally!" I shout, hiding behind Jazz.

Jazz throws up a bubble again and shrugs. "Hey, she created me. What can y' do? I owe her something, after all."

"Damn straight!" I say, huddling behind her.

"BANG! ZAP! POW!" shout the Carrots in unison.

Katie has been speechless until just now. She's been huddling by the HP group, trying to reassure herself of her sanity. "Um, you do know your guns aren't working, right?"

"Um, we were hoping you wouldn't notice that," says a random Carrot Stick.

"But those were the most technologically advanced guns in the universe!" cries the penguin, shocked again. "How could they break?"

M.A. whistles and hides a screwdriver behind her back.

Cait leans out. She was in the X-jet watching her obsession (romy) macking, but decides to comment anyway. "You put too much faith into material possesions. I mean, Kurt's holowatch was pretty advanced, yeah, but it's always breaking, right?" She ducks back into the jet.

"Damn straight," grumbles Kurt.

"Dammit! They copped our strategy! Back in the ship!" shouts a random Carrot Stick. "RETREAT!"

The Carrot Sticks all disappear into the ship.

The penguin stares at them, shocked, flabbergasted, freaked out-

"Just get on with already!" I shout.

"Yeah, yeah, blame someone else for a change why don'tcha..." mutters M.A.

The penguin stares after them, we'll just go with shocked this time.

"Happy now?!" snaps M.A.

I nod.

The penguin clears his throat and taps his foot. "I believe I am the penguin in question here?!"

"Oh, sorry," says M.A.

"You can't do that! Come back!" shouts the penguin, getting back to the script.

A note falls from thes ship.

The penguin reads it aloud. " 'Dear Gen. Penguin: We're leaving for Bermuda. Have a nice life. Bye. Your loyal subjects, the Carrot sticks. P.S. We'll send you a souvineir." (See note on Taco Bell.)

The ship blasts off, leaving the depressed penguin sobbing in the parking lot.

"Well, that was easy," Jazz says.

Remy and Rogue peek out from the jet.

"Hey, why didn't you guys come out of the, like, jet?" asks Kitty Pryde.

"Because doom was never imminent, duh!" replies Rogue.

They duck back in and the hatch-thing opens. Everyone gets on the jet and flies back to my house, which they enter.

"Well, we defeated the villains. What now?" asks Jazz.

"How do we like get home?" asks the same Kitty.

M.A. peeks out from her corner. "That's a good question Shadowcat. One to be answered in the next chappy."


	5. Episode V, The Return of the Xmen!

(An: This is the second to last chapter. The next one is just deleted scenes and ripoffs.)

Everyone is gathered in my living room.

"Well, Hermy, know any spells to get us out of this one?" asks Ron.

"Don't call me Hermy!" Hermione began to mutter to herself about transportation spells.

"We're not going to get any answers out of her, not in this century anyway," I say with a sigh.

Ron and Harry glare at me.

"But, anyway, we're supposed to get home just how now?" asks Jazz.

"How now brown cow?" mutters M.A. to herself.

"What the-?" says Jazz, looking confused.

I shrug. "Ignore her. Time to ask the answer cat." I walk out and return holding the fat cat from chapter 1.

"The answer cat?" asks Shadowcat.

"Remember in chapter 1? How he knew about the temporal thingy? But, anyway.." I set the cat down.

He washes a paw.

"Ok, kitty-cat, spill. How do we send all these weirdos home?" I ask him.

He ignores me and starts working on his other paw.

"Why are we asking a CAT for advice?" asks Jazz.

"BECAUSE he knew the whole thing about the narrator and the temporal disturbance, 'member?" I ask, annoyed.

"Damn straight," says Picattso (the cat) and clears his throat.

Everyone else raises their eyebrows.

"What a curious quandary you are all in," he comments.

"What the-?" says Harry.

M.A. hurriedly slaps her hands over his mouth. "Shut up! We've used up our swear word allowance! This is only PG, 'member?!"

"MMPH! MMPH!" shouts Harry, his voice muffled.

"Now be a good little boy and keep quiet," she says. "Got that?"

Harry glares but nods and M.A. moves her hand.

I shrug at this and turn back to the cat. "Well?"

He blinks slowly. "Hmmm... I suppose that if you could do the same thing to the computer as Gazoo, it could create a disturbance large enough to send them all back. Or it could create a black hole large enough to suck the whole city of Neillsville into a continuous spin around its edge while we all suffer having our brains crushed."

Everyone else stares at him.

"Well, that's not much of a loss," I say. "I say we try it."

"Are you NUTS?!" cries Scott.

I shrug. "Yes, probably. I haven't been to a mental clinic in some time, so I wouldn't know."

"...You've been to one before?" asks Scott, staring.

"Yes but- That's not the point!" I reply.

"Why not," says Jazz, standing up. "It's not like we have anything we could try anyway."

"Excellent point," says Picattso. "After all, you people don't want to be at her mercy for much longer, do you?" He points at M.A.

Evil laugher is heard from a shadowy corner.

Everyone but me shudders.

"That's it, I'm doing it!" I cry, and walk into the office, turn on my laptop and mess with it.

There is a "Squwerk" sound and a flash of light. Somehow, the portal that results from it manages to send everyone home. The only people left in the room are Jazz, me, Kitty, and Cait.

"I can't believe that worked," says Jazz, blinking.

M.A. shrugs from her corner. "Well, you know me. I'm not all that inventive. It's a fanfic, and as such, I can do whatever I want."

"Well, that was unerringly straightforward," says Jazz.

"It's the insomnia," M.A. replies. "I can't do much but state the obvious."

"Excuses, excuses," Jazz mutters.

"Do you want me to finish your story or not?!" M.A. snaps.

"Shutting up now!" says Jazz.

"Good OC," says M.A. and goes back to her corner.

"Well, I suppose we're all done then?" I say.

"Yeah, yeah," says M.A. "You guys are done. The story's not but you guys can take five."

The group heads off to the kitchen for donuts and to discuss possible support groups for those wounded and/or scarred for life by fanfics.

"Ungrateful little.." M.A. mutters. "Oh, I need a narrator, don't I. Ok, understudy!"

A bunny puppet appears out of a top hat.

"THIS is our replacement?" asks M.A. in disgust.

"We're over budget. Deal," says a disembodied voice.

"We HAD a budget?" she asks. "Oh, whatever."

"It's me, the announcer bunny! And now it's time for random reactions!"

FAR AWAY, IN ENGLAND, ABOUT FIVE MINUTES BEFORE THE HP GANG WAS SENT BACK

We see J.K. Rowling sitting at her computer. "What now? My writer's block is back!"

There is a popping noise as the HP gang is returned to her copyrighted imagination.

"Yes! Now to celebrate the return of my muses, I'm going to kill off another central character and not care!"

SOMEWHERE IN NEW ZEALAND, WHEREVER PETER JACKSON LIVES

"What the-? I suddenly feel compelled to finally make a movie of the 'The Hobbit!'"

A cheer is heard as groupies find out about this.

"Oh, shut up!" he yells and throws a brick at their leader.

THE WB!

Whoever the WB director person is blinks and presses a button on his intercom. "Hey, miss secretary lady, call the X-men Evolution people. I suddenly feel like renewing it for the rest of time!"

A cheer is heard outside as thousands of Evo fans finally receive their release.

"Boy, do I feel stupid for canceling it now!"

BACK AT THE HOUSE

"So, is this finally over?" I ask M.A.

She's drinking coffee like there's no tomorrow. "Almost. All I have to do is the credits and the deleted scenes and explain what I ripped off and why, savvy?"

I nod and thumb at Jazz. "So she's here for good then?"

"Yep. We'll just have to learn to live with her."

Jazz looks up from the building of her bomb.

"You know, I can't shake the feeling that we've forgotten something," I say.

"Eh, it'll pass," M.A. replies with a shrug.

THE MAIN INTERSECTION, A STOPLIGHT

"Is anyone going to let me down?" asks Pyro folornly. "Hello? Someone? ...Anyone?"


	6. Ripoffs, deleted scenes, and credits

Disclaimer: I don't own anything I ripped off in any of these chapters, so ner.

Credits:

Author: Skysong, duh.

Cast: If you don't know, go reread the story.

Ripoffs: (i.e., anything that I could get sued for using)

Main ones: X-men, HP, LOTR, Spongebob.

Noticable ones: "The Annoying One," by Space Toaster, Gazoo, The Ruby Club, Star Wars, "The Author, the demon, and the X-men," by Mayleen, Kareoke, "All in the family," by RogueMaverick, The Dark Tower Series (tm), Spirited Away (also tm), Star Trek, Independence Day, Taco Bell, whatever corp, co, ect. made Arfy, Claritin, Dr. Seuss, Science Journal (it's where I found out the thing about the black hole. I know lots of random things like that.), Neillsville (I made all those comments about it, I have to credit it somehow.), Between the Lions (since I don't think anyone'll get this, the announcer for the last chapter was from there), J.K. Rowling, Peter Jackson, The Hobbit, WB!. I believe that's it.

(I'd explain where these ripoffs are, but it's really more fun having you guys sorting through the story lookin' fer 'em. They're pretty obvious, anyway.)

Deleted scenes:

Take one.

AT A BAR KNOWN AS THE BRICK YARD

Logan: Hey, sweet thing. does that finger-point-wink thing at the bartender.

Bartender: looks something like Britney Spears, to Logan, anyway, turns around, deep voice Heya cutie.

THE NEXT MORNING

Logan: yawns and wakes up, is in a Super 8, rolls over, sees lump in bed Mornin' darlin'.

Lump: comes out from underneath covers. Turns out to be Gary Coleman dressed as Captain Underpants in a blond wig

Logan: screams like a six-year-old girl and runs off, singing Yellow Submarine

CU: runs after him Hey! Come back! I still have the powers of a Waistband Warrior, you know!

Take two.

Rogue: glaring So what yer saying is that there are literally millions of fictions out there about meh and that swamp rat?

Me: gulps and nods

Rogue: backs me up against a wall Suppose I've seen some of those that you've written?!

Me: squeaks Please don't hurt me, I only killed you off in one-

Rogue: WHAT?!

Me: babbling inanely and in most of them I have lots of nice you and Remy fluff no big it's all very well and good and PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!!! ducks and runs off

Remy: leaning against the wall, smirking I doan know what you're complainin' 'bout chere.. infuriating smirk smirk bloody smirk

Rogue: growls

Remy: runs awaaaaaay

Take three.

Kitty: So Rogue has the absorbing powers and Jean has the TK and Gambit can do what now?

Me: patiently He can-

Remy: pops out of nowhere Gambit make de cards go BOOM! there is a loud explosion

Rogue: runs in GAMBIT!!!

Remy: Gotta be goin' now p'tites! runs off, Rogue in hot pursuit

Take four.

Kurt: So what you're saying is that in this universe, we're nothing but a cartoon?

M.A.: nods

Kurt: And you're obsessed with it?

M.A.: nods again

Kurt: One thing, why do you have a nude picture of Orlando Bloom colored blue hanging a-

M.A.: slaps hand over his mouth Not one word more, got that?!

Kurt: muffled Yes Ma'am.

M.A.: Good.

Take Five.

A MEETING OF SUPERVILLAINS ANON.

Penguin: sighs My army has deserted me, my Mecha-Duck has exploded, and Arfy... bursts into tears

Magneto: Oh, it's okay. Ya get used to never winning after a while.

Penguin: Who are you again?

Mags: twiddles fingers I am the master of magnetism! Are you not amazed?!

Penguin: blinks

(An: And that's a wrap ppl! Is anyone interested in a sequel? Anyone at all? If someone does express an interest, it'll be out sooner or later.)


End file.
